Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
