Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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