Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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