Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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