Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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