Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize