Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
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I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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