the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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