She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
