Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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