I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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