Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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