It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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