im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
