Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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