Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
