hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
