so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
dude. I can hear the air.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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