So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
