'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
