OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
