It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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