im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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