do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You made out with two different species that night
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
