I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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