Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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