I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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