come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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