I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This is my life. Enjoy the view
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
