oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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