the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
