Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
