one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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