I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
