If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love having hate sex.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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