you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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