Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
