i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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