You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I wish there were birth control emojis
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
