I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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