so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
