The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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