So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
