Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
