How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
