Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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