I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
