I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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