Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
