Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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