One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
