So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
