So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
