Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
