there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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