Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Randomize
