The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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