Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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