Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
did i walk over a car last night?
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As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
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Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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