my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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