1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize