Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
