I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
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I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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